Celine Roque

Back in 2004, when I was still drawing stick figures, I found myself obsessed with what tools professional cartoonists and illustrators were using. If I wanted to be a pro, I had to know what the right pen and the right ink was — everything that the pros used. When I was surfing the web and looking at illustration books, I headed right to the section where they talk about the tools.

A kneaded eraser? Really? How does that work? I bet I’ll get great line quality with that size 0 liner brush and just draw the details with a Rotring Isograph. And that Ames lettering guide? Just wow.

I knew all that stuff, but it didn’t change the fact that all I could draw was stick figures. Not that there was anything wrong with that, but to pull off the stick figure thing well requires more mastery than a six year old with a crayon. (Check out Matt Feazell’s Cynical Man to get what I mean.) But I was getting too focused on the tools that I forgot why I needed them in the first place — I wanted to learn how to draw.

Couldn’t I do that with a regular pencil?

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One of my aunts called me last week, just to catch up. She asked me about my academic status (I went AWOL), and as I tried to explain my fluid situation to her, she replied:

“What are you exactly? I mean, what do I call you? What do you call what you do?”

I don’t blame her for finding it confusing to label me. After all, I was a film student for two years, then I was a painting major for three more years. To support myself, I mostly work as a writer, although I’ve accepted the occasional video work and sold a couple of paintings. Both my work and educational life are a stark contrast to what she’s experienced with her generation. After high school, they went to college, and the major they chose defined their careers.

It’s not that black and white anymore, at least not for me.

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For several years, I worked on a comic strip called Gay Balls of Fire (GBoF). I had a blast doing it, and it was project that allowed me to explore drawing comics for the first time.

But in 2005 I went back to college. Being both a full-time student and a part-time freelancer didn’t give me the freedom to work on GBoF as often, so the updates grew less and less frequent, until they stopped altogether in 2007.

Even when I stopped working on the comic, readers would still send me email. “When’s the next update?”, they’d ask. I’d always reply, “Soon.” Two years later, the next update is still waiting.

I promised to change all that this year. This year, I’ll work on GBoF, resdesign the web site, and upload a new strip each week.

The truth is, I did draw a new strip, but I couldn’t get the last panel right. I kept procrastinating, and five months later, I still haven’t drawn the last panel.

Obviously, it was time to face the facts.

If I really wanted to do it, it would already be done.

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